How Much Do You Spend on a Date? (Cheap Women)

Dreaming about money

A few weeks ago I was writing a piece for Essence magazine on dating in a recession and how a man’s spending habits change when you’re unemployed. (You can look for that in the October issue, which is due on stands in September). During the rewrite process, my editor questioned me on a line where I wrote; “I could easily spend close to $500 a week on dates when I was gainfully employed.”

My editor wrote back: “$500 a week? That sounds crazy to me. Was that accurate or a typo?”

It was in fact a typo but it wasn’t that far off. Most single guys can attest to the fact that dating is big part of his budget. Once all the bills are paid, there’s usually a respectable chunk of a man’s income devoted specifically for spending time with women.

A man with an active dating life—two-three outings per week—can easily drop anywhere from $60-$100 on a standard dinner, movie and drinks date. Add in transportation or any kind of additional entertainment (Broadway show, bowling, karaoke, etc.) and that $500 a week average won’t sound like such an unrealistic number after all. That’s not to say that I used to ball out like that, but I have had my fair share of steep dates over the years.

As one of the millions of unemployed New Yorkers, those days of frivolous dating are long behind me. Still, the typo in my first draft of that upcoming story made me think about the difference in financial expectations between men and women when it comes to dating.

Based on my own personal experience and the reaction of women on here before, I was willing to bet that what the ladies and what the fellas expected to spend would be vastly different. So I did what I normally do when I get some sort of epiphany or random thought, I hit Twitter with the following tweet:

“POLL: Ladies, how much do you spend on a date on average? Fellas, same question. (I bet the #s will be vastly different).”

It didn’t take long before my Twitter followers leaders and FaceBook “friends” chimed in. Needless to say I wasn’t surprised by the results. For the most part, most men expected to dish out anywhere from $40-120, while the majority of women that responded said they planned to spend a grand total of $0 on an average date.

Of course, people had different criteria for their numbers, like whether it was a first date, if they were in a relationship, and whether or not they actually liked the person. While those factors definitely play a major role in people’s responses, my main theory of women expecting to spend less than a man for the same date held true. At the same time, though, there were a few surprise answers across the board.

Some females were understanding of the economy and limited funds:

“I’m a realist,” said one female via FaceBook. “Our destination determines the cost. For example, if we choose the Cheesecake Factory, the total bill will be $80-100 for two. Movies will be about $25 for two…. Going Dutch can be done many different ways. In the Cheesecake Factory scenario, an entree can be split & both can be satisfied. A guy took me to Pei Wei Asian Diner and we shared a $10 entree.”

“As much as I would love to live the old school life where the guy pays everything, I don’t even agree to go on a date unless I know I have money,” said another female via email. “I’m that girl who likes to pay the tip or you pay for dinner I’ll get you on the drinks at the next spot… Nowadays dates have become much more scaled back because of the recession. So going to a free concert in the park or museum can be considered a cheap date.”

For every progressive-thinking woman, there were those that held true to more traditional gender roles:

“Unless I’m on a date with a friend, I don’t expect to pay,” said one woman via FaceBook. “I mean, damn, can’t he do something besides not give me a nut? Lol!”

“As a woman, I don’t pay for anything,” said another woman via email. “If I like the guy, or know he’s broke (and I like him anyway because his poor financial status has nothing to do with laziness or being lecherous) I will pick up the tab at times, but this isn’t a habit.”

At the end of the day, though, what I found to be most refreshing was the fact that through all the arguments discussions about who pays for what, there were those that focused in on the real point of dating.

“If I ask you out on the first date then I am going to keep it fun but inexpensive,” said one female via Twitter.

“The best dates, I’ve found, usually involve little money and lots of conversation,” added another female via email.

Even some of the brother’s appear to be getting the message:

“On average I spend anywhere from $40-100 depending on where we go,” said one male via email. “But first dates should be something fun and not centered around $$$.”

“The thing is I am willing to spend money for the sake of a good night,” said one brother via IM. “Lunch dates are the best intros to start with and that’s about $30. After work outings can raise your bill to about $50, or even $80-100 depending on where you go and what you do. But nowadays you have to utilize your assets, like go where you know some folks and get a bit creative.”

How much do you normally plan to spend on a date? How much of a difference is there between what you plan to spend and what your date contributes? Should a woman get a pass on chipping in on date activities because of how much she spends on her hair, nails and outfit for the night? Honestly, how often do women even think about how much a man spends during the course of a date? How has the recession affected your romantic spending habits? If conversation and personality hold more weight than anything, why do so many women look down on men with no money?

Speak your piece…